Tag: writing

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IF YOU’RE READING THIS I DIED LAST WEEK

My husband and I have a hard case of the flu. High fever, nausea, violent night sweats, heart palpitations, ear aches, this flu has it all. I have lost 11 pounds in 6 days, he has lost 22. Keeping up with the base level farm chores is difficult, and trying to keep one another hydrated challenging. The house is a wreck, the chickens are out feed, the garden I’d worked so hard to maintain in the heat has withered and the mortgage is late. 

Jeff regained an appetite first, starting solids slowly with small meals and snacks. Now I was going to nibble at the breakfast table, mainly oats and berries. A first sip of coffee felt like a sword slicing down my throat. Porridge made it worse. Blood sugar began dropping, I asked for orange juice.

“Something’s wrong.”

Dragged upside down by a ship racing in darkness, battered by nightmare waves of confusion and simmering pain. Layers of nauseating blackness upon blackness with dull edges, unceasing. Disassociation with no survival instinct nor hope, only chaos. Yet presence enough to sense this eternal hell was all that existed.

“Bea where are you!” cried out my love as he helped me struggle to sit up. Apart from a soreness in my chest I felt normal flu crappy. 

I lost time.

“How’d I get on the floor?” 

He had set me down as my eyes rolled back into my head and I was going over.

“You stopped breathing – there was no heartbeat – I did compressions – you went stiff as a board, arms straight out, neck arched back – my life flashed before my eyes – what was I going to do?”

All I could do was return to bed, refusing the Emergency Room. Jeff called a Dr. friend who said it sounded like my heart skipped a beat or 2, keeping fresh blood from the brain for a few seconds, causing me to seize up. Fever is the bodies natural way to burn waste but try to keep it from getting so high again.

I felt delicate and did not have an easy day. By evening Jeff called a couple friends in distress and the amazing Larson’s packed up some supplies and ran over, bringing such a positive healing feeling into the house with their loving care – making hydrating drinks, rubbing my tense spots, cooking and calmly eating dinner with Jeff. 

The fever yo-yo-ed but stabilized the next day. And the weeping begins over the shock Jeff went through, over the generous care of friends, over the color of late summer through the window, over lemon tea, over a birdsong, over abandoned kittens in the orchard, over having extra towels as I sweat through them nightly, over so many memories, and not being worthy of any of it. And how hiding out from a sick and crazy world on a funky farm in the middle of nowhere God still found me to share so much. Everything.

Dr Rich also said emotionally a flu means we’ve resolved something, whether we realize or it or not. And in the rebuilding and healing we are a new creature, and to celebrate that.

In this time of burning up and physical weakness I am changed. The old me has “died” with release from coffee addiction, a wine habit, eating from boredom, running to the computer throughout the day to expose myself to other peoples programming. I more clearly see how I often try to control that which is beyond my control. I notice how negative thinking (ours or via media) instantly brings our home down into the pits. Our nightly habit of watching a show or movie as an excuse to unwind and rub on one another is actually an excuse to not focus fully on one another. There’s so much about my life that I have actually hated. And I don’t have to do or include those things any more. Whew!

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LET IT GO – HAPPY NOW YEAR!

ever-present now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now

May 2023 be the year we’ve been working toward and waiting for – do it!!

….Ok, how?

I’m not so good at calendar resolutions. Hoping doesn’t bring results. Wanting to improve, to shift something, though nice, is not the same as choosing to do so. For to choose action some of us have to first be aware of what we are even going after.

….Ok, how?

The past several years have been table flippers and noodle cookers for many of us. At times we all tune things out emotionally, psychologically or physically to survive the day to day.

Wanna talk CV, MK, JFK or any other supposed  “conspiracy?”  No problem, pass me a piece of that cake, let’s go. 

Does my husband want to tell me what he really thinks about the way I  ______ (fill in the blank)? Awesome, yes lets talk about it, help me improve. Open to seeing, sharing and learning.

My fuzzy spot is in the material realm, the world of stuff bringing my home down, like the Titanic, sinking from a burden of repair projects like lopsided chairs, fried electronics and broken auto parts (garbage). As well as things that can in theory be repurposed in some mysterious way like raggy sheets,  disintegrating books, empty plastic orange juice containers, and cardboard boxes (also garbage).

Am I really going to teach myself to macrame with all that neon colored string cut off the hay bales? The time has come to face the truth.

‘Just throw it away.’ But really, there is no away. 

We’ve work so hard to keep things out of the waste stream we ARE the waste stream. S O S!

And honestly I think there is also a strain of fear, of such a dystopic future where we will be grateful to have a pile of junk to search through for buttons or knobs or wiring, that we tend to hold on to the broken for that worse .05% chance scenario. Bah.

And really might my brain also be holding on to faulty familiars, old programming and ideas that no longer serve me, safe refuse, cluttering up the corners of my mind in loops, to distract from different ways of expressing or looking for solutions, from taking risks on something new? How does this pile up happen, by not dealing with each little piece of thought trash as it comes in?

Christmas week was flu week for both of us – tired, achy, spacey, lumping around slightly disconnected. A simple search for tissue meant maneuvering through useless stacks and piles and cases, so inconvenient, so ridiculous,  I was snapped out of my daily survival game of excuses, not just seeing but downright knowing that inch by inch this creep of junk has been taking over my house. 

We consider flu and fever as burning the cellular trash, to free up energy for building health and strengthening immunity. Nature’s update. If it was time for our bodies to ‘clean house’ maybe it’s time for the house to clean house too, and make room for the unbroken, the useful, or even nothing at all but space to breathe.

Maybe abundance isn’t having stuff, it’s having what you need when you need it. We can’t even find what we have when we have it!

So instead of some day or later, now is the time. Even without touching a bag or box I know I will recycle and repurpose what can be, and trust my amazing mother nature to breakdown the rest in her embrace.  Instead of walking past that sink of dishes again,  I’ll pause and do them. Instead of excuses for ‘later’ I actually turned off the TV to write this, and instead of waiting I will put it up as imperfect as it is.

Happy Now Year!

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WANTED: SCRIPT SUPERVISOR ASSISTANCE

Once In A While

The very first time back on set was also the very first time wearing a mask – hours and hours in the humid Texas swelter.  Add a Bizarro world hotel room of anti-slumber (next to a highway literally being demolished), and I was soon sleep deprived, heat exhausted and oxygen starved, with long stretches of heart palpitations.

By only Day 3, I barely made it to our distant location, a rough ranch. If staying on the road was a challenge by day, how would navigating the dark hills by night be any safer?

Extra coffee was not going to cut it. Despite multiple other situations of near incapacity, in 2 decades of movie making I have never called in to the office or opted out. Until now.  Sitting in crew parking, “I don’t think I can make it through the day.”

Covid pre-testing protocol means it’s near impossible to be replaced.  What could Production do?  They sent over TM, an AD, to quickly and crudely train so I could go home. OMG.

Well, an AD knows filming protocol, and the basic slating system.  An AD knows the Actors and the story.  An AD has their own long term career goal which doesn’t threaten the Script Supervisor position.  TM was glad to get to be in the middle of filming instead of at the periphery or at base camp.  

This was actually a good choice.

We started slow, with noting takes and lining pages, but it still seemed like too much. So I asked TM to stay with rehearsals down in the ravine, to follow the dialogue and learn what the shots were going to be.  Then as we rolled he followed lines while I took notes.  It was a relief to not tightly track dialogue and call out lines.

I kept still, in shade, hydrating. With lots of breathing breaks.  And started feeling a little better. They put me a trailer for lunchtime, to cool off and rest.  With TM’s help and a bit of care from my film fam (they know I am not normally needy), I made it to wrap. And Universe presented a room at a friend’s near by, saving a lengthy bumpy dark drive.

Long story short – having an extra person to take on just a couple of the duties made the biggest difference.  These scenes had several characters, stunts, 3 cameras panning all over.  Wide Shot, Medium Shot and Close Up of the same Character is a timesaver.  And doing Over The Shoulders at the same time saves all that matching. But 3 cameras doing their own thing is 3 times the work. Which is now rather standard.

Sometimes  – if we are pooped, if the dialogue’s pages long, if they add additional additional cameras , it can be a little much, tracking all and supporting the Actors, the Director, the Editor.  As THE Script Supervisor there is no one to support us, not even for a bathroom break.

On a few occasions I have been called in to cover the extra cameras for big filming days- like football games etc… But I have also tracked 5-6 cameras simaltaneously, not sprinkled throughout the day, solo, several times on two nightmare shows, and was too beaten down to pipe up when I realized what was happening.

So as our job has taken on more  – more cameras, less cutting during multiple takes, capturing screen shots and video, not alternating Script Sups for episodic (which means breakdowns and prep on the weekends), sending batches of notes ASAP at lunch and wrap to a growing list of people, and now with the CV excuse for more walking lunches where you don’t get that chance to catch up, I feel we trade quite a bit of the actual craft of Script Supervising for the data entry chase.

Is there a win/win way to have, on big days, some assistance and flexibility to help make even better work, that Production sees as beneficial? Or can nothing change the more work less pay steamroller crusade for content quantity as king?

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LISTENING TO YOUR GUT, EVEN IN FILMMAKING

Guest Blog by the Fabulous Michelle Cohen

enlightened gut

After years of questioning my instincts, fighting them and not following through (usually to my own detriment), I have finally been handed enough proof in my life that it is usually wiser to trust those feelings.

Here is a tale of what happened when, despite my doubts and fears, I listened to my inner guidance and found myself swiftly whisked across the country to LA – with meetings at CAA, UTA and ICM for my movie…

Emails kept popping up about a film networking opportunity in downtown NYC. Being from the theater, new to film, and not a comfortable partygoer…I promptly deleted all three of them. When the 4th message came in, I finally realized I HAD to go.  By then I had at least learned how messages are not that insistent unless there is a reason. So I replied with a sigh, ‘yes.’

But a few days before the event, I came down with such a horrible cold that during a coughing fit I burst a blood vessel in my eye. Aye yai yai! Now I sounded and looked like Quasimodo and figured, cool, don’t have to go.

And what came was such a loud, resounding, YOU ARE GOING NO MATTER WHAT message in my gut, I became more nervous to ignore the advice than to attend the event. So, resisting the temptation to don a pirate’s eye patch, I made my way to the party and hoped for the best.

In moments I was approached by a woman who introduced herself as “Tequila” (not kidding). She was so taken by me that, without my knowledge, she went around the room telling everyone about my screenplay. I found myself at the center of attention without having to say or do anything. Without even moving –  everybody came to me. Including the “suit” which is really the one person you want seeking you out. 

Not only was he intrigued, he asked if I was going to AFM in Santa Monica. Again, theatre person, no clue what he was talking about. He explained that it’s a huge film market event. Next week. Next week? I needed to get on a plane and be there and he would personally introduce me to everyone I needed to get my movie made.

What?!!

Back home I checked him out and sure enough he was legit. Wise advisors in my circle said that it was nearly impossible to get into this organization without that kind of support so I should absolutely find my way there.

No, impossible for this to happen! But my instincts continued to reassure me that this could be easy if I let it be. Sure enough, my parents had frequent flyer miles they kindly shared, and my sister and brother-in-law, living in LA at the time, offered to put me up.  In spite of my apprehension, next thing I knew I was in Santa Monica. The “suit” was true to his word, already waiting with people prepped to meet me. It was a whirlwind experience but within the week I had lined up a distributer, producer and investor interest!!!!! 

And within the month, I found myself in the offices of the highest agencies in Hollywood, each of them trying to get me to choose to work with them!

Now I am very aware, this is not the norm. But what if we truly listen to our instincts even when they seem highly improbable, could it be more commonplace? For while I certainly resisted from my personal comfort level, when I followed through – it brought me to an inconceivable amount of opportunities.

Michelle Cohen is a producer, writer, director, performer & intuitive coach moving seamlessly from the entertainment industry to the written word to the invisible world. Her many talents have been featured on CNN, Good Morning America, MTV, NPR’s “All Things Considered”, and in People Magazine, Entertainment Weekly, The Chicago Tribune, and The Washington Post.

For more info visit her website: www.michellecohen1.com

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SCREEN PLAY – MORE ICING OR MORE CAKE?

write write write

I’m late to the party – Nyan Cat Cake – link to the recipe at the end!

During a job interview, the Show Runner asked how being a writer helped in Script Supervising. Well one of the main ways is seeing when a script is too long. He and the other Producer tripped over each other explaining they were still trimming the scripts, wrestling with the author, etc… I wasn’t even specifically referring to their project!

However, it was true of the episodes I’d read there. Not meaning page count, but more specifically when  scenes and sections do not move the story forward or provide meaningful support for any of the layers in the script. Many times I’ve thought “This fluff is n-e-v-e-r going to make it into the movie,” and have often been right. With time or budget limits tis wiser to edit on the page then in the cutting room.

Is the script more icing or more cake?

Script writing, to me, compresses a story that’s bigger than it might read on the page, in a unique format so even literary authors must learn a sort of shorthand to keep within the boundaries. Do chapters equal scenes? Well, a little yes,  in separating the story into sections, but a bigger no, because the separation is dictated by locations instead of a shift of ideas.

Screenplays are like skeletons that are then carefully and intentionally dressed in layers with clues in the descriptions or dialogue, then fleshed out by Actors rounding out the characters, by how the sets look, or the costumes, how the pieces are edited together, by the use of sound and music, on and on.

They’re written as to what’s to appear on the screen, not by internal beats meandering through a character’s head or their past, at least not in the same indulgent light a novel may. Writing a screenplay can challenge one to find simple, interesting, and perhaps sneaky, ways to color in the bare spots with meaningful information.

But once you understand the limits there’s a lot of freedom within them. Did your Mama ever send you out to play with a “go in the backyard” or “stay on the block “ or “don’t ride your bike in the street” ? Play within the parameters of what will show on the screen, but play!

http://sueneal.blogspot.com/2013/03/nyan-cat-rainbow-cake-please.html